


These Are The Lies

by TheLostSkyGirl



Series: SeHo Drabbles [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, I really need to learn how to tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-07-09 18:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostSkyGirl/pseuds/TheLostSkyGirl
Summary: It’s been 2 months since Junmyeon and Sehun broke up. And Junmyeon is hell bent in proving he’s moved on. When in reality, all he wants is to have Sehun back in his arms again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from this [tweetfic](https://twitter.com/SeHoDrabbles/status/1058138591581241344). I know the collection says "drabbles" but some of these are actually full on fics when posted in this platform.

Contrary to what Junmyeon’s friends like to believe, the break-up wasn’t messy nor catastrophic. It was pretty tame and civil, actually. He sat down with Sehun one night and talked about how their relationship seemed to be turning to a bad place.

Sehun was only 25, and slowly climbing the corporate ladder. His efforts and talent in snatching up business deals were getting recognized one by one. Junmyeon, on the other hand, just got promoted to assistant professor at the university. That made him one of the youngest in the position at age 27.

In hindsight, they were both in a good place in their careers. But of course, along with success comes the problems. Missed dates, unanswered texts and calls, dinners spent alone and the slowly dwindling intimate moments. They’ve been together 3 years, lived together for 1. Three blissful, content years. They knew each other inside and out, or at least that’s what they both like to think so.

The break-up didn’t come unexpected. Junmyeon knew Sehun could feel it, like how he could feel it. They were losing time for each other. And being on top of their career games, they both knew the downfall was inevitable.

Not that Junmyeon really wanted it. He was willing to try more. He loves Sehun. He loves him so much that the thought of going separate ways suffocates him. But he also loves Sehun so much that he only wants him to be happy. Even if it"s not with him.

Sehun wanted to focus on his job. At the same time, he didn’t want to make Junmyeon feel neglected. Junmyeon holds such a big space in his heart and seeing him asleep at their couch while waiting for him makes his heart ache. He hated seeing Junmyeon sad but if he wanted to pursue a higher position in his workplace, he will eventually hurt Junmyeon from his absence.

His stupid, career-driven brain could only think of breaking up as the solution.

And so they did.

***

Junmyeon had barely taken a seat in his couch when his phone rang. He was debating on whether he should answer it or not. He left it in his coat pocket for a reason. It was the start of the weekend and he just wanted to relax before going over his student’s papers the next day.

Deciding to just ignore the call, he grabbed his dinner (Chinese take-out because he was too lazy to cook something) and turned on his tv. Time to binge watch again.

Whoever his caller was was persistent however. His phone rang 3 more times before he finally decided to just answer it to end his misery.

He rolled his eyes upon seeing the caller id. Kyungsoo.

“Finally! Where the fuck were you??!” Kyungsoo shouts the moment he answered.

“I just got home Soo. I wanted to relax. What did you want.” He went back to his couch, ready to end the conversation as soon as possible.

“You’re going on a date tomorrow.”

That made Junmyeon pause.

“What date? I never agreed to a date.”

“You didn”t. I did. In behalf of you.”

Junmyeon groaned. He should’ve known his friend had something planned. Kyungsoo had been checking and double checking Junmyeon’s schedule the past days. He didn’t mind it too much,thinking his friend just wanted to hang out with him that weekend. Apparently not.

“Soo, I already told you, I don’t want to date right now.”

“Yes, you told me. But have I ever listened?”

Junmyeon had to suppress another groan. His friend was too much to handle sometimes.

“Soo--,”

“No,” Kyungsoo cut him off, “don’t tell me that you’re not ready yet. It’s been two months Junmyeon. You need to start moving on.”

Junmyeon sighed. At this point, this was a repeated discussion.

“I have started to move on, Soo.”

“Sitting on your couch binge watching Kdramas and streaming Buzzfeed videos while eating Chinese take out is not moving on Junmyeon. The only way you can actually move on is if you put yourself back out there.”

A month after his break up with Sehun, Kyungsoo,along with their other friend MInseok, has been encouraging Junmyeon to start dating again. Junmyeon always declined.

He wasn’t ready. Moving on from a 3-year relationship wasn’t easy. But his friends always tell him that it’s only difficult because he wasn’t trying.

But he was. He really was trying. He kept anything that reminded him of Sehun in a big box and shoved it in the farthest part of his new apartments attic. He deactivated all his previous social media accounts and started a new one. He stopped visiting he and Sehun used to visit.

He was doing a pretty good job, in his opinion. But alas, his friends think otherwise.

“Just… try it once. Please? It won’t hurt to try,” Kyungsoo continued.

And Junmyeon was actually having a hard time declining. His friend doesn’t usually sound so sad when talking to him. Junmyeon knows he means well. Try as he might, he knew he at least owe Kyungsoo this one. He was there with him when he was bawling his eyes out one week straight after all.

With another sigh, he signed himself up for a blind date.

***

His name is Chanyeol.

And he was, well, loud. But not in the annoying kind of way. If you get past all the bouncing and sudden bouts of yelps, he was actually quiet endearing. Like a hyper active puppy.

Quite a contrast to Junmyeon’s rather somber demeanor. He had doubts about the date, especially since he didn’t actually agree to it in the first place, but he’s quite surprised to find himself enjoying Chanyeol’s company.

“We don’t even have to treat this as a real date. It could just be two friends hanging out. No pressure,” Chanyeol had told him with a beaming smile.

And Junmyeon can’t say he wasn’t grateful.

Chanyeol was a sound engineer in a record label. He’s 26, has a cute toy poodle (he showed Junmyeon pictures) he adores so much and quiet a filial man. He’s also a very humble person.

Dinner turned out better than he anticipated.

“Hey, you wanna go grab ice cream after this?” Chanyeol asks just as they finished playing for their bill.

“Why not just order the one they serve here?”

Chanyeol leaned a bit closer to whisper. “Honestly, I don’t like their dessert here.”

Junmyeon had to laugh at that. “And where exactly is the better option?”

Chanyeol beams. “There’s this place just around the corner. Pretty low key. You’ll love it.”

If his date turned out to be anyone unlike Chanyeol, Junmyeon would have declined. But he was having fun. For the first time since the break-up, he actually laughed genuinely. Chanyeol had that effect on people, he guesses.

“Sure, let’s go. This place better wow me.”

Chanyeol gives him another smile that could probably rival the sun. “Oh it will. Why don’t you wait for me outside. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

Junmyeon nods and stands up to leave. He headed for the door while Chanyeol made a beeline for the toilet.

While he waits, Junmyeon contemplates. He’s gonna let himself be honest and say that he can actually see this thing with Chanyeol working. Chanyeol wasn’t pushy. He picks up hints easily, too. Maybe a few more dates in, and he could like Chanyeol as more than a friend. Maybe, Chanyeol can help him move on.

But, of course, the universe loves to fuck Junmyeon over.

“Jun?”

Junmyeon felt his body go numb. He doesn’t dare look back. He knew that voice, knew it like he knew his own body. He’s heard that voice whisper sweet nothings to him at the wee hours of morning. He’s heard that voice profess love to him on a daily basis. It’s the same voice that broke, and continues to break, his heart.

“Jun? It is you,” the voice called out again. The next think he knew, Sehun was standing in front of him looking dapper in his business suit and smiling at him like everything in the world is fine.

It probably is in Sehun’s world.

He missed that smile. He missed Sehun. So fucking much.

But Sehun is not his anymore. And as much as it pains him, he doesn’t want Sehun see him hurting still. So he swallows the pain and the bitterness and forced himself to smile.

“H-hey Sehun. Fancy seeing you here,” he says. He mentally cringes at how awful his voice sounded. It didn’t really help when Sehun gives him a fond smile.

“Yeah. I, uh, I have a meeting with a client here. How about you? What brings you here?” Sehun steps closer and Junmyeon felt his breath catch in his throat.

Before he could answer though, a large body bounds beside him.

“I’m done hyung. Let’s go,” Chanyeol casually touches Junmyeon’s arm.

Junmyeon’s panic is slowly rising. He didn’t know what to do. Is there a protocol for these kind of situations? How was he supposed to introduce Chanyeol. Was he even supposed to introduce Chanyeol? Or more importantly, how was he supposed to introduce Sehun.

Chanyeol, bless his soul, saves him from his misery.

“Oh hey! Sorry didn’t you notice you there. Are you a friend of Junmyeon hyung?”

If Junmyeon wasn’t so strung out, he would have noticed Sehun’s raised eyebrow and the way straightened his back to make himself look taller (a difficult feat considering Chanyeol was a giant).

“Friend. Yeah, I guess you could call me that,” Junmyeon doesn’t miss Sehun’s condesending tone though, “And who might you be?”

“I’m Chanyeol, Junmyeon hyung’s new friend. Nice to meet you,” Chanyeol offers his hand for Sehun to shake.

Sehun looks at the hand in front of him for a split second before grasping it in his own. If Sehun puts a little more pressure than necessary, Chanyeol didn’t seem fazed.

Junmyeon remained mum during all of these. He’s still reeling from the fact that Sehun is right in front of him. No to mention Sehun meeting his “date”.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Sehun, but we gotta leave. We got places to be after all. Right hyung?” Chanyeol turns to him expectantly.

Junmyeon could only blink at Chanyeol dumbly. But Chanyeol must have been born on a rainbow for he only laughs.

“Silly hyung. Let’s get you some ice cream, eh? They have the most amazing matcha-flav--”

“He doesn’t like matcha,” Sehun interrupts. That catches Junmyeon’s attention.

“He prefers strawberry, if you must know,” Sehun continues, but this time, he was looking at Junmyeon. Not that Junmyeon would know since he was too busy fiddling with his jacket.

“Uhh, well… good to know then. Thank you. Let’s go hyung.”

It’s only when he felt Chanyeol steer him towards another direction that Junmyeon finally looked up at Sehun. What he saw made him ten times more confused and a hundred times more pained.

But he chose to suck it up. Being in Sehun’s presence was starting to become suffocating. He needed a break.

“Bye Sehun. It was nice seeing you,” he managed to croak out.

He didn’t get to hear Sehun’s reply since Chanyeol was already dragging him towards their destination.

If he was only brave enough to look back, he would have seen Sehun wiping a lone tear from his face while looking at Junmyeon and Chanyeol’s retreating forms.

***

The walk to the ice cream shop was silent, even though he and Chanyeol were walking side by side. Junmyeon was still reeling from the encounter moment ago. His heart was still beating so fast. His hands sweaty.

He was jostled out of his thoughts when he felt a hand in his arm. If he flinched, Chanyeol only ignored it. “We’re here,” the tall man merely said. And indeed they have arrived at their destination.

Chanyeol guided Junmyeon inside and motioned for him to take a seat while he makes the order. The shop was empty save for a couple of teenagers at the far corner. Junmyeon chose the seat closest to the door and right beside the window.

To say he was nervous was an understatement. It was slowly sinking in that he met Sehun tonight. And that Sehun met Chanyeol, his supposed to be date. Junmyeon couldn’t decide which dilemma he should focus on first.

A cup of pink ice cream was placed in front of him which didn’t make Junmyeon relax one bit. 

Strawberry. Just like Sehun suggested.

Chanyeol took a seat in front of him but remained silent. Rather, he was looking at Junmyeon. Observing him, while slowly spooning his own ice cream. Rocky Road. Somehow, it fits him.

Junmyeon avoided eye contact however. His emotions are on haywire. But he knows he’s embarassed. He can’t believe Chanyeol had to witness the trainwreck that he was. Junmyeon was actually quiet surprised the other male was still here with him.

It was a few moments later that Chanyeol spoke up, Junmyeon looking anywhere but at him. “So... you wanna tell me who that was?” 

“No. Not really,” came Junmyeon’s automatic reply. He heard Chanyeol chuckle.

“C’mon hyung. You can tell me. You look like you’re gonna combust any second.” Junmyeon resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. Instead, he picked up his spoon and started eating his ice cream.

“This is really good!” He exclaimed the moment the frozen treat touched his taste buds. 

Chanyeol smiled. “I told you their ice cream is great.” A pause. “But hyung, you’re changing the subject.”

Junmyeon froze, his spoon suspended in the air. “Chanyeol...” Chanyeol held up a hand. “Before you continue, I just want to tell you that I’m not pressuring you to tell me anything. It’s just that... you looked like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“And honestly hyung, it got me worried. I’m not blind. I know he wasn’t just a friend. And I know you’re hurting. I’m not your friend, hyung. But I’m willing to listen. Don’t they always say, it’s better to talk to strangers coz they’re less biased?”

Junmyeon took a moment to respond. “You’re not a stranger though,” he said quietly. Chanyeol had to smile at that. “Well, maybe not anymore. But I still know less than your friends.”

He had a point, Junmyeon understood that. But was he really willing to open up to a person he just met tonight? Was he ready to bare his heartaches to someone he barely knew? Maybe. Maybe he was.

Deep down, Junmyeon knew he wanted to talk to someone. He had Kyungsoo and Minseok, sure. But they were also both there during his entire relationship with Sehun. They’re views, although not unwanted, tend to be one sided.

So maybe Chanyeol was right. Maybe talking to someone who didn’t know him and Sehun well would be good. Maybe Chanyeol can tell him straight to his face that yes, he and Sehun were over.

Strenghtening his resolve, Junmyeon started his story. He told Chanyeol almost everything. From when and how he met Sehun. From the time they both admitted their feelings. The day they decided to move in together. And most of all, the day it all ended.

He didn’t know how long he was talking. But by the time he was finished, both their ice creams were nothing but melted goo in their cups. Junmyeon kept his eyes downcast. Afraid of what he might see in Chanyeol’s eyes. Pity? Disappointment? He didn’t want to know.

Chanyeol remained quiet all throughout his tale. Not even interrupting once. Didn’t even flinch when Junmyeon started tearing up. He merely handed Junmyeon tissues and silently urged him to continue. It was a bit unnerving but Junmyeon was too engrossed to be bothered.

Now, Chanyeol just sat there in front of him in silence. Junmyeon could feel the other’s eyes on him. Still he did not dare look up. A couple minutes more of silence, Chanyeol suddenly stood up. Junmyeon raised his head so fast, he felt like he had whiplash.

Chanyeol was smiling fondly at him. “Relax hyung. I’m just gonna go and us another cup. Then I’ll tell you what I think, okay?” Junmyeon could only nod. He didn’t know what else to do. A million thoughts are running through his head. Most of them, negative.

Junmyeon was once again shaken out of his thoughts by a cup placed in front of him. “You look like you’re about to bolt any second. I hope you’re not planning on ditching me,” the teasing tone in Chanyeol’s voice was a bit comforting. 

“Course not. I never turn down free food.”

Chanyeol took two spoonfools of his ice cream before fixing his eyes on Junmyeon. Junmyeon may or may not have squirmed in his seat. Chanyeol, realizing the other’s nervousness, smiled wide. “Okay, okay calm down before you give yourself aneurysm.”

Junmyeon grunted. Chanyeol smiled even wider. “You know hyung, I think you’re too nice,” he started. Junmyeon gave him a confused look. “Your agreed to a blind date you didn’t want because you don’t want your friends to worry. You agreed to a break up you didn’t want because your boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend, thought it was the best thing for the both of you. You keep letting people do the thinking for you because you’re to afraid to hurt or disappoint them..."

Junmyeon started to interrupt but Chanyeol held out a hand. “Let me finish. You sacrifice too much for others that in the end, you’re the one end who ends up hurt the most. You’re too nice. And selfless. And honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves you.”

“But hyung, don’t you think it’s time for you to think about yourself? For you to hold on to something you actually want?” Chanyeol paused. Giving Junmyeon time to process what he said. 

“But I don’t know what I want,” Junmyeon said sofly.

Chanyeol scoffed. “Of course you do. You’re just too scared to actually go for it.” 

Junmyeon kept silent, mulling over what Chanyeol said. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew what Chanyeol said was right. But he was too much of a coward to acknowledge it just yet. He didn’t think he was ready to actually face his fears.

He felt a hand grasp his. “I’m not telling you to go after him now hyung. But I know that you still want him. I can see it in your eyes. Think about it.”

Junmyeon squeezed his hand and nodded. “How do you know so much?” 

Chanyeol let out a small laugh. He let go of Junmyeon’s hand in favor of eating his ice cream again. Junmyeon copied his action, not wanting to waste another cup.

“Let’s just say, I’ve had experience.” 

“And?” 

Chanyeol looked at him blankly. “And what?” 

Junmyeon huffed in annoyance. “You can’t just leave it at that. I practically poured my heart out to you. You could at least do the same.”

Chanyeol laughed again. “Hmmm. Maybe next time.” 

Junmyeon pouted at him. “That’s not very fair.” 

Chanyeol reached out a hand to ruffle his hair, to which he smacked away. “Next time, I promise. Besides, it’s late. You should get home.”

“I’m holding on to that promise Chanyeol.” 

“Okay okay, grumpy hyung,” Chanyeol laughed at him again, “now let’s go.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes at the taller before standing up to leave. Once they were outside, Chanyeol grabbed his arm again.

“Are you ok? We’re going back to the restaurant after all.” They both left their cars at the restaurant parking. As much as Junmyeon dreaded going back, he needed to get home and think about things. He took a deep breath and looked at the giant beside him.

“I’m fine. We’re not going inside anyway, so I doubt I’ll see him. Let’s go.” 

And with that, they walked back the way they took before, albeit more relaxed this time. Junmyeon could still feel his heart thumping loudly but he forced it down. He didn’t want to end this night with another breakdown. They reached the parking lot in no time, Junmyeon resisting the urge to look back at the restaurant. Chanyeol, bless him, decided to cover his view by standing in front of him as he got into his car.

“Drive safely, hyung. And don’t forget to text me.” Junmyeon smiled. 

“You too. And thank you. This didn’t turn out exactly as I had imagined but meeting you wasn’t so bad.” 

Chanyeol gave him a cheeky grin. “Please hyung, I’m a delight to be with.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Modest too. Just get home safe. And don’t forget, you still owe me a story.” 

“Alright alright. I know you won’t let me forget anyway. Bye hyung! See you soon.” 

“Bye Chanyeol. See you.”

Junmyeon watched Chanyeol get into his car. Once the taller had started his engine, Junmyeon did the same. He tried not to think about tonight’s events while he was driving. Saving it for the comfort of his home. At least there, he can breakdown in peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon lies and lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I seriously did not think it was this long!!

Sunday afternoon found Junmyeon sitting at one of the tables at the restaurant where Kyungsoo worked as the head chef. It was his weekly routine with Kyungsoo and Minseok to meet up and have a late lunch at Kyungsoo’s workplace.

Junmyeon was waiting for Minseok to arrive and Kyungsoo to take his break while discreetly checking his face on his phone screen. He was very thankful for that one stage play in college that taught him how to use a concealer in the best way possible.

So maybe he was trying to hide the bags under his eyes. And maybe he spent an hour that morning covering his eyes in a warm washcloth to ease the puffiness. And maybe it was all because he cried himself to sleep the moment he got home.

But Kyungsoo and Minseok disn’t have to know that. He didn’t want any pity looks today. Today he just wanted to be happy. Even if half of it was just pretend. Chanyeol’s words echoed in his mind once again. He can’t help his heart clenching.

He knew everything Chanyeol said was true. But he didn’t want to dwell on it now. Now, he wanted to focus on his friends.

The scraping of a chair against the hard floor interrupted his musings. Minseok sat on the chair beside him with a huff. “Damn traffic.” 

Junmyeon smiled at his friend, noting the beads of sweat on his forehead. “Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?”

“Are you kidding me? I could live here for the next ten years, and traffic would still piss me off.” 

Junmyeon laughed at the elders antics. Minseok didn’t always grumble. He was known for his patience and manners. Only two things can actually make him grumble.

Traffic. And Jongdae, his ever persistent suitor. Speaking of... 

“How’s Jongdae?”

To Junmyeon’s amusement, Minseok groaned out loud and actually thumped his head at the table. “Please don’t speak bad words at the table.”

Junmyeon didn’t hold back his laugh. It’s always fun to tease his hyung about his suitor. It always manages to get under Minseok’s skin. “What’s he done this time?” Jongdae was famous in their little friendship circle for his tendency to go overboard with his wooing.

He’s been pursuing Minseok for almost a month now and his courting just gets crazier and crazier. One time, he rented a van, installed massive speakers on it and proceeded to serenade Minseok in front the café he owned.

Minseok was so embarassed he closed his store half a day early to avoid Jongdae. Junmyeon and Kyungsoo didn’t think it was too bad, considering the man actually had talent, if the viral videos could do him justice.

“The idiot, that fucking idiot! He bribed one of my workers so he could fill the whole café with a bunch of bouquets!” Minseok almost screamed in exasperation. Before Junmyeon could comfort his friend, the other chair in their table was pulled out and Kyungsoo sat.

“What’s cat eyes grumbling about now?” Junmyeon grinned.

“Jongdae.” Kyungsoo didn’t bother to hide his laughter either. “What’s lover boy done now?” 

Minseok gave him an annoyed look. “Don’t call him that. And he filled my café with flowers.”

Kyungsoo awwed teasingly. “That’s actually really sweet.” 

“Sweet?! It was like an explosion of flowers, Soo! Do you know how long we had to clean the place up? I had to delay opening for an hour! An hour!”

Both Junmyeon and Kyungsoo laughed.

"Stop laughing at my demise,” Minseok groaned at his friends. 

When the other two finally regained their composure, they chastised Minseok. “Now, now, Seokkie. I’m sure Jongdae was aiming to be romantic.” 

“Romantic my ass. If anything, he’s only being annoying."

Kyungsoo, signaled one of the waiters to bring their food in. They didn’t have to order at this point. Kyungsoo always has their food ready before they arrive. “Well, maybe if you finally give him a chance, he’ll be less annoying.”

“Yeah. No way. Not in this lifetime.”

“Is there a reason why you don’t want to acknowledge his advances?” Junmyeon looked at his hyung seriously. He never really bothered to ask the elder why he always rejects his suitor. It’s not like Jongdae was a bad guy.

From what they’ve gathered, he was a good person. Sure, they still had to meet the eccentric man, but he hasn’t really done anything remotely harmful.

Minseok sighed. “It’s just, he can’t seem to take a hint. I don’t want a relationship right now. The café just started. I’m still trying to get my bearings at running the place. The last thing I need is a love life.”

Kyungsoo patted Minseok’s shoulder. “Maybe you should sit down and talk to him about this. Really talk to him.”

“Ughh. I’ll think about it. Now can we stop talking about me. We’re here for Jun aren’t we?” Junmyeon felt shivers run up his spine as two pairs of eyes focused on him. He opened his mouth to respond but the waiter had already arrived with their food.

Junmyeon took that momentof reprieve to gather his thoughts. He knew he was gonna be interrogated. He prepared himself for it. Soon enough the waiter left and he was on the spotlight again. 

“So? How’d the date go?” Kyungsoo asked as he was slicing up his steak.

Junmyeon picked up his own spoon and shrugged. “It was okay.”

Kyungsoo looked at him with a raised brow. “You know you can do better than that.” Junmyeon suppressed a groan. There really was no escaping Kyungsoo.

Minseok nudged his foot under the table. “C’mon, tell us. You don’t look gloomy so it must have been better than okay. It’s nice to actually see you smile and laugh Jun.” Minseok smiled at him softly and Junmyeon winced mentally.

He hated lying to his friends. But he hated worrying them more. He smiled and nudged Minseok’s foot back. “I do laugh.” 

“Yeah. But not as much as before.” 

Kyungsoo flicked them both in the forehead. “Stop before this lunch turns dark. Jun, story time. Now.”

Junmyeon sighed. “It was... fun, I guess. Chanyeol’s great. He was really sweet and funny. We had dinner. Then he offered to bring me to an ice cream shop because the dessert at the restaurant sucked. We ate ice cream. It was fun. I had fun.”

Except he bumped into his ex and he all but dumped his miserable life on Chanyeol and he was waiting for the other to dump his own miserable life on Junmyeon. But again, Kyungsoo and Minseok didn’t need to know that.

“Good. I’m glad you had fun,” Kyungsoo beamed at him. Junmyeon couldn’t help but smile back. “So are you going on another date?”

Junmyeon took a gulp of his water before answering. “We haven’t really talked about it yet. But we both agreed not to call it a date.”

His friends looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”

Another drink. “Well, we just figured we’d start as friends for now and y’know, see where it goes.” It wasn’t entirely wrong. He and Chanyeol ARE friends.

There was just an unspoken agreement that they won’t be getting any further, if Chanyeol’s encouragement to go after his ex was any indication. But, as Junmyeon’s life has become lately, Kyungsoo and Minseok didn’t have to know about that.

Junmyeon felt Minseok’s hand on top of his. “Well, whatever you two decide, I’m just glad you started going out. You’ve been cooped up in your house or your office for quite some time.” Minseok gave his hand a short squeeze before going back to his food.

Junmyeon turned his eyes to Kyungsoo, who was giving him a contemplative look. “Well? I’d like to hear your thoughts too, seeing that it /was/ you who set this up."

Kyungsoo smile at him. “Same with Minseok hyung. I’m glad you agreed to the date.”

Junmyeon smiled back, relieved that his friends didn’t pry for any more information. “Not that you gave me any choice, Soo.” 

Kyungsoo only rolled his eyes and started on his food again. “How did you know Chanyeol anyway?”

“Oh! His friends with our patisserie. His childhood friend to be exact. I mentioned I was planning on setting you up on a blind date and he said his friend was single and he showed me a picture and I thought he could be your type, so yeah.”

Chanyeol hadn’t mentioned a friend on their not-date. Not that he asked. Maybe Junmyeon should the next time they see each other. “I see. Did his friend agree on his behalf like you did with me?” Junmyeon teased.

Kyungsoo glared at him. To anyone who didn’t know the small guy, it would have been threatening, but they’ve been friends for so long, it only looked adorable to Junmyeon. “Excuse me, I did it out of the goodness of my heart.”

Beside him, Minseok sniggered. “Tough luck for Jun then since we all know how little goodness you have in your heart,” Minseok said which prompted Junmyeon to a fit of giggles. Kyungsoo both kicked them under the table.

“Awww Soo. Don’t be mad. We’re only teasing,” Junmyeon cooed. Kyungsoo kicked him again.

“Anyway, we actually talked to Chanyeol and he agreed on his own accord.”

That made Junmyeon frown. “That’s not very fair. How come I didn’t get a say?”

“Because I know you’ll just make excuses.”

Minseok nodded. “He’s kind of right, Jun.” 

“I have papers to grade, Soo.”

“Sorry hyung, I need to prepare my lecture.”

“The student’s have a quiz tomorrow, I need to get everything ready.”

“I have after school meetings today.” 

“I need to cover for my colleague. “ And they went on and on and on about all the excuses he’d made the past weeks to get out of set up. 

Junmyeon felt his ears grow hot. “Okay okay I get it. I’m sorry. But I was /really/ busy.”

Minseok patted his back. “We understand Jun. We really do. But it’s all good now, right?” Both his friends looked at him imploringly. 

Junmyeon swallowed thickly before answering. “Yeah. Everything’s okay.”

Their lunch went smoothly after that. Any talk about Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s “date” forgotten. But Junmyeon knew his friends won’t let it go that easily. Which makes him feel guilty by lying to them. He tried to tell himself that it was for the best.

Kyungsoo and Minseok will only worry more if they knew about everything that happened the night before. So it’s best to leave things as they are for now.

That night, Junmyeon received an unexpected text from Chanyeol as he was getting ready for bed.

** <HYUUUNNGGG!!! Do you have free time this week?> **

Junmyeon smiled at Chanyeol’s enthusiastic text. 

_ <Good evening to you too Chanyeol> _

** <Hyuuuunggg. (T＿T)> **

** <Fine. Good evening Junmyeon-hyung>**

** <Now, when are you free?>**

_ <I’m regretting giving you my number now> _

** <You don’t mean that (╥_╥)> **

** <And answer my question hyung> **

_ <sigh> _

_ <No, I don’t mean that> _

_ <Why do you want to know?>_

** <Because!!!> **

** <I want to eat with you again （＾ω＾)> **

_ <Must you always use emoticons?> _

_ <And I only have half day classes on Wednesdays> _

** <What’s wrong with emoticons? They’re cute. (◕‿◕✿)> **

** <Yaay! Can we go get lunch?>**

_ <They hurt my eyes> _

_ <Sure. Where do you want to eat?> _

** <You’re just old hyung (Ŏ艸Ŏ)> **

** <There’s a cool place downtown. I’ll text you the address tomorrow>**

_ <I’m not THAT old> _

_< Alright. The food better be good>_

_ <And stop laughing at me!>_

** <Sorry hyung. But I’m not laughing at you swear!> **

** <I’m glad you can come eat with me (＾▽＾)> **

_ <I’m glad you invited me> _

_ <You owe me a story after all>_

** <Oh> **

** <That> **

** <Hehe |ω･`)> **

_ <Oh no you don’t! You promised me!>_

** <Haha> **

**< I’m just messing with you hyung>**

** <I didn’t forget> **

_ <Good> _

_ <I’ll see you on Wednesday Chanyeol> _

** <See you hyung!> **

** <I can’t wait! (≧∀≦)> **

_ <Me too>_

** <You’re just excited to hear my story> **

_ <Maybe> _

** <You’re mean hyung (⋟﹏⋞)> **

_ <I’m kidding. I’m excited to see you too. It was nice talking to you>_

** <I’m glad hyung :)> **

** <I’ll let you rest now> **

** <Goodnight hyung. See you soon!> **

_ <Goodnight Chanyeol> _

_ <See you> _

Junmyeon placed his phone on his bedside table and lied down. The conversation with Chanyeol chased away any signs of sleep from his system. It wasn’t that late, but he didn’t get much sleep the other night so he was hoping to get some rest tonight.  But his brain likes to do otherwise. He laid there looking at his blank ceiling, trying to block dark and gloomy thoughts. He’d had enough last night. He didn’t want a repeat. Tire d of looking above, he turned on his side hoping sleep would come, but it made things worse.

His sight was met with a wall and his mind automatically opened memories of another body lying beside him. He closed his eyes forcing the memories down.

_ Not tonight.  _

_ Not tonight.  _

_ Not tonight. _

His bed was smaller, just a single. But the way Junmyeon curls up in his sleep, there was just enough space for another body to curl up against him. The thought made his stomach churn. Tears welling up in his eyes. 

_ Not tonight._

It was a hard adjustment. Sleeping alone. Waking up alone. Only a blanket to keeping him warm where there used to be human’s warmth. 

_ Not tonight.  _

_ Not tonight.  _

_ Not tonight. _

Junmyeon willed his memories to stop. Shoving everything inside his mental box. Sealing it up as tightly as he could. 

_ Not tonight.  _

_ Not anymore.  _

_ He was okay.  _

__

_ He will be okay.  _

And Junmyeon let himself fall asleep with a single tear trickling down his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon and Chanyeol take a trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think this fic will be this long! Twitter made it seem so short. OMG! Also, I apologize if there's something wrong with the spacing. I'm not really used to working with AO3 just yet.

The days passed by quickly and the next thing Junmyeon knows, he’s driving downtown towards the address Chanyeol sent him. They’ve been texting on and off the past 2 days. Sharing anecdotes of their work life, checking up on the other. It was a simple and easy friendship. And Junmyeon was grateful for it. It felt nice knowing someone with a different personality from his other friends. It makes him feel happy in some sort of way.

He arrives at the place, a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that opened recently. It was near the business district so it wasn’t odd to see a couple of men in suits walking around. He was just about to open the door when a large body crashed into him from behind. As any person would, his knee-jerk reaction was to jab his elbow towards the stranger’s stomach.

Except it wasn’t exactly a stranger. “Oof! Hyung...that hurt!” Chanyeol wheezed while clutching his stomach.

“Ohmygod Chanyeol! I’m so sorry! You suddenly came onto me I thought I was being attacked!” Junmyeon frantically reached out to the taller checking how much damage he caused. It was only when Chanyeol let out a laugh that he sighed in relief.

“Sorry hyung. I saw you from the distance and I got excited.” He was still clutching his stomach but he didn’t look like he was in pain anymore. Chanyeol latched onto Junmyeon’s arm and pulled him inside the restaurant, the action shocking Junmyeon a little.

“You’re awfully clingy to someone you’ve met only once,” he voiced out once they’ve settled into their seats.

Chanyeol frowned at him. “Is that a problem hyung? I told you I’m really comfortable around you. But if it makes you feel weird then I can stop.”

Somehow he managed to look like a kicked puppy that Junmyeon’s heart just melts. “It’s fine Chanyeol. I just haven’t met anyone as clingy as you.”

Unintentionally, Junmyeon remembered Sehun and his tendency to hang off Junmyeon whenever he feels like it.

It made Junmyeon’s heart squeeze a little. “Well not recently at least.” He smiled reassuringly at Chanyeol and the other beamed back at him.

“Thank you hyung. I’ve been told I’m not much of a boundary person so it bothers others sometimes.”

“Don’t worry. You’re good.” Chanyeol smiled at him one more time before calling the waitress to place their orders.

It wasn’t until they were half way through their meal that Junmyeon broached the subject they were here for.

“So... do you want to tell me now or do you wanna wait until we’re done eating?”

In front of him, Chanyeol let out a low groan. “I was hoping you’ll forget about it actually.”

“I’m an assistant professor. It’s my job to remember things.”

Chanyeol gave him a pained look that made him chuckle.

“It’s okay. Take your time. I don’t have anything urgent to do today. I’ve got time.”

The stack of papers he needed to grade would say otherwise, but Junmyeon’s curiosity wins this time.

The taller male took a sip from his drink before talking. “It’s not something grand really. Kind of cliché as a matter of fact. He’s my best friend, has been for years. Been in love with him half the time. He’s in a relationship and will never look at me that way.”

The self-depreciating tone Chanyeol has taken into made Junmyeon wish he never asked. “That’s... uhm... I’m sorry Yeollie.”

Chanyeol cracked a smile. “Yeollie?”

“It suits you.”

Chanyeol looked at him sadly. “He gave me that nickname.”

“Shit.” Junmyeon facepalms. This conversation isn’t really going well.

But Chanyeol only laughed. It wasn’t his usual laugh but it wasn’t a sad one either. Junmyeon felt relieved.

“It’s fine hyung. Many people have been calling me that anyway. Not that special anymore.”

“How did you two meet?”

Chanyeol picked on his food while answering.

“It was in hugh school. 3rd year. I was the new kid. Too tall for my age, crazy untamed hair and large, dumbo ears. He was the loud, obnoxious kid with a pretty face that everyone loved. He approached me first, said he was gonna take me under his wing, which at that time was pretty funny because he was tiny. He’s still tiny, just about as tiny as you hyung.”

“Hey!” He kicked Chanyeol under the table but the taller didn’t seem bothered.

“Well I was awkward and didn’t have friends so I thought why not. We hang out, he got me into a lot of trouble and we just became inseparable. I don’t know anyone as much as I know him and the same goes for him. Which is why it’s hard to believe he doesn’t know how I feel.”

Junmyeon barely resisted the urge to pat Chanyeol’s head at the defeated look on his face. Instead, he reached for his hands and squeezed it.

“When did you realize?”

“Last year of high school. We were about to head to college. We got into the same school but different departments. He was taking up culinary, I was taking up music. It was a pretty big school and we both realized we might not see each other often. And somehow, I just felt really sad. The thought of not seeing him on a regular basis, of him finding friends other than me, of the possibility of him dating, it just squeezed the life out of me. At first, I thought I was just sad because he was my best friend but I eventually realized it was much deeper than that.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

Chanyeol scoffed. “Because I was an idiot. I still am. And I was so scared back then to ruin the friendship that we had. Add that to the fact that I was insecure and didn’t think I would be worthy.”

This time, Junmyeon really did pat his head. 

“I’m sure you were worthy enough back then. Your fear just got the best of you.”

“Yeah. And look where that got me?”

Chanyeol let out a hollow laugh.

“I told myself I was just gonna build up some courage. Make myself better. Then I was gonna confess but it took me 3 years to build up that courage. And by then, it was too late. He’d already met someone. And the way he looked at the guy made me realize I couldn’t compare to that. The fact that they’re still together now solidified that so I decided that if I can’t be his boyfriend then I will be the bestest friend he has. And now here we are. 6 years of pining and I still can’t find it in myself to get over him. I’ve been in relationships but they never last, y’know. I end up feeling guilty being with someone when in truth I only want one person, so I just gave up eventually. I’m pretty much just letting my feelings swallow me, hoping it’ll fade. It doesn’t really help that he’s out there setting me up with people.”

That made Junmyeon pause, remembering what Kyungsoo told him before. “Wait. So the guy who set you up on a date with me is the same guy you’re in love with?”

Chanyeol had a puzzled look on his face then. “Uhh yeah. How’d you know he set us up?”

“My friend, the one who set /me/ up told me. They work together.”

“Oh oh! You’re talking about the short guy who looks like he’s gonna kill you with his eyes, right?”

Junmyeon had to kick Chanyeol’s foot for that one. “He doesn’t wanna kill you. He’s got eye problems so he squints a lot when he’s looking at you. And don’t let his exterior fool you. He’a actually a real softie.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. He does look squishy though.”

If Junmyeon kicked Chnayeol a little bit harder, no once can blame him. “Don’t let him hear you say that because then he /might/ actually kill you.”

Chanyeol’s boisterous laughter filled the restaurant. “Not if I can squish him first.”

“I should never introduce you two. It will be a disaster.” Junmyeon shakes his head imagining the chaos when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo eventually meet.

“I know how to behave hyung,” Chanyeol laughs again, “anyway... yeah, the guy you’re talking about is my Baekhyun.”

Junmyeon hummed in response. Listening to Chanyeol’s story caused an ache in his heart. In the short time that they’ve known each other, he figured how pure Chanyeol’s heart is. He reached out again to grasp Chanyeol’s hand.

“Why did you agree?”

Chanyeol flipped his hand to hold Junmyeon’s hand too. “He looked so excited when he was telling me about you that I couldn’t bear seeing him frown if I declined. And I figured, if the date doesn’t go well, at least I made him happy.”

“You’re torturing yourself.”

Chanyeol gave him a tight-lipped smile. “And you aren’t?”

Junmyeon hated how he was right. “Maybe I am. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you.”

“Well it is kinda about you too,hyung. Since I know what you’re going through, in a sense. I know what it’s like to love someone yet never have them. But I feel like it’s worse for you. Because you actually experienced what it was like to be in a relationship with that person while I only rely on fantasies.”

“Don’t compare your pain with mine. They’re different. They both hurt but they hurt in different ways.”

They were quiet for a while. Junmyeon absorbing everything. Chanyeol reeling from everything he confessed. Their food arriving is what broke them from their trance.

They decided to dive into less serious topics as they ate. It was one of the things Junmyeon liked about Chanyeol. He never ran out of things to talk about. But as much as Junmyeon wants their lunch to end in high spirits, he knew he still needed to address a few things.

“What are you gonna do now?” He asked the taller as they waited for their bill.

“I’m gonna head back to the studio and maybe get some work done.”

That earned a laugh from him. “No. What I meant was what are you going to do now? Considering our date didn’t exactly turn into a date and given my current situation.”

Chanyeol didn’t answer immediately. He had a contempletative look on his face. A few beats later, he took both of Junmyeon’s hand in his much larger ones and squeezed them tight.

“I’d like to continue being friends with you hyung, if that’s okay. That blind date may not have turned out the way it was supposed to, but I like talking to you. You get me in some odd way.”

Junmyeon smiled at the other’s silliness. He removed his hands from Chanyeol’s grasp in favor of squishing the other’s face.

“You’re an idiot. I thought we were already friends.”

Chanyeol was laughing hard as he tried to remove Junmyeon’s hands from his face.

“Okay okay stop it. I get it. I’m an idiot.”

Junmyeon flicked his nose for good measure.

“But really, don’t worry about me, hyung. I’m used to this feeling. I’ll get over it someday.”

As much as he wanted to console the other, he didn’t really know the right words to say. He didn’t have to think hard though because they’re bill arrived and Chanyeol’s attention was already diverted. Junmyeon’s decided to leave it for now. He was sure they’ll have time to discuss it more in the future.

They were friends now, after all.

Once they were done paying, they both grabbed their things and got ready to leave. Somehow, they managed to end their lunch with smiles in their faces despite the heavy topics they’ve talked about.

They were laughing as they left the place, completely oblivious to two pairs of eyes watching them as they walk their separate ways.

Later that night, Junmyeon was interrupted from his grading by loud, insistent knocking on his door. He looked at the stack of papers in front of him, then to his door, then back to his papers. He already had half a mind not to get up but a voice made the decision for him.

“I know you’re there Jun. I can smell ink and paper down the hall. Open up!”

With a sigh, he abandoned his comfortable position on his couch to open the door for Kyungsoo. What he was doing there on a Wednesday night baffled Junmyeon.

When his door was opened, he was greeted by the sight of his best friend carrying two bags of take out food which he promptly shoved to Junmyeon’s hands before entering the place without a word. Junmyeon only rolled his eyes before closing his door. Trust his best friend to act like he owned the place.

He followed Kyungsoo to his kitchen where the other was already pulling out plates and utensils and placing them on the table. Junmyeon set the bags on the counter before clearing his throat.

“Mind telling me why you suddenly barged in here without warning?” he inquired.

Kyungsoo faced him with a raised eyebrow. “Am I not welcome here?”

Junmyeon repressed a groan. Dramatic. “Of course you’re always welcome here. But you could’ve called or texted me first.”

Kyungsoo continued to set the table. Junmyeon decided to help by taking out the boxes from the bags. Guess he was eating Chinese tonight.

“Doesn’t matter. I needed to talk to you and I know you won’t be eating dinner again so I brought some.”

Junmyeon placed the last of the boxes on the table and faced Kyungsoo.

“Thank you, Soo. Really. But what did you need to talk to me about?”

Kyungsoo sat down and motioned for Junmyeon to do the same. “Well, I saw someone having a nice lunch date earlier and I need details.”

This time, Junmyeon really did groan out loud. “You can’t be serious! You were there?? Why were you there?? And why didn’t you come to me??”

Junmyeon was embarrassed and aggravated. Mostly aggravated. He can’t believe he was ambushed all because of a friendly lunch.

“Woah slow down. I’m supposed to be the one asking questions. But to be fair, yes, I was there. I wanted to eat something I didn’t make. And I didn’t approach you because you looked like you were having fun. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Pft. As if you were interrupting something. It wasn’t even a date.”

Kyungsoo paused and regarded him Junmyeon. “Sure looked like a date to me.”

Junmyeon huffed in annoyance. He was tired and he wanted to have some peace tonight but it seems he’s not getting it.

“It really wasn’t, Soo. It was a friendly lunch. He wanted to talk about something and I wanted to listen.”

“And what would that something be?”

Junmyeon hesitated. He wasn’t sure if Chanyeol would appreciate it if other people knew he was in love with his best friend.

His bestfriend who happened to be Junmyeon’s best friend’s coworker. That might turn chaotic.

“It’s not really my place to share, Soo. It was a bit personal.”

Kyungsoo hummed in assent. “But you’ll see each other again, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean we’re friends now so...” Junmyeon shrugged.

He was sure Chanyeol would invite him out to eat again sometime soon. The guy said so himself when they parted earlier.

“Ohh. So you’re starting as friends then. That’s good. Build a foundation and all that.”

Junmyeon gave his friend an annoyed frown. “It’s really not like that, Soo. We’re just—“ Junmyeon was inerrupted again by three loud knocks on his door. He looked at Kyungsoo confused.

“Did you invite Minseok-hyung?”

“Yes but he said he was busy tonight. Something about a new coffee mix. Are /you/ expecting someone?”

Junmyeon furrowed his brows. “Not that I know of.”

He stood up from his seat to open the door. There was no knocking by now but Junmyeon wanted to make sure no one was there.

However, instead of a person, he found himself staring at a bouquet of flowers at his doorstep. He stepped out and looked left and right of the hallway but no one was there. Who would leave something like this in front of his door? Did they perhaps made a mistake.

Carefully, he picked up the flowers to inspect it. They were purple hyacinths. Junmyeon would’ve believed that whoever left the flowers made a mistake if not for the small paper tucked in the middle with his name written on it.

It can’t be. It just can’t be.

With shaking hands, he plucked the note from where it was tucked. He took a deep breath before slowly opening the paper in his hand.

He was so overwhelmed that he forgot where he was.

Kyungsoo, curious as to why his friend was taking so long answering the door, decided to investigate. And that’s when he found Junmyeon, on his knees in front of his open door, clutching a bunch of flowers to his chest with tears streaming down his face. The opened paper on the floor in front of him.

Two lines. Five words. In a scrawl he knew so well.

__“I’m sorry._ _

__

__I miss you.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I really appreciate all the kudos I've received so far. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon makes a decision.

Kyungsoo barely managed helping Junmyeon get inside his house. The latter was still crying his eyes out while clutching the flowers he had received. When he managed to get his friend to sit on the couch, he immediately went to fetch a glass of water.

Kyungsoo’s mind was reeling. Junmyeon seemed to have been doing better the past weeks. He laughed more. His stories were brighter. He even went on a date for Christ’s sake. But Kyungsoo realized his friend may have been keeping appearances after all.

Now he felt guilty for not noticing. He was too keen on helping his friend get over his heartbreak that he failed to see that it was only making Junmyeon fall apart. God, he was such an asshole. He only hopes he can do things right this time.

When he went back to the living room, Junmyeon has stopped crying. He was still holding onto the flowers but this time he was looking at the note too. Feeling Kyungsoo’s presence, he looked up to friend, eyes puffy and red.

“Soo...” he said as fresh set of tears threatened to fall again.

Kyungsoo immediately went to his side and wrapped him up in a hug. “Hey hey. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. You don’t have to say anything. I get it. Okay? I understand.”

It wasn’t his intention but Kyungsoo’s words only managed to make Junmyeon cry harder. Kyungsoo only held on to him tighter. He didn’t know how else to comfort his friend except to rub his back and hug him until he calmed down.

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how long it was but Junmyeon finally calmed down. He was hiccuping and sniffling but he seemed to have ran out of tears.

“Why don’t we get some water in you?” He let Junmyeon go and offered him the glass he brought in before.

Junmyeon gave him a small smile before taking the glass with shaky hands. He finished the whole thing to which Kyungsoo was glad. After drinking, he set the glass back on the table along with the flowers, the now crumpled note still in his hands.

“You know you don’t have to… but if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

Junmyeon was silent, contemplating whether he should tell his friend about everything he’s been feeling. He didn’t want to burden his friend but he needed to let the pain off his chest.

Kyungsoo took one of his hands and gripped it tight.

“Jun...”

And Junmyeon just broke.

“I miss him Soo. So fucking much. I tried to move on Soo. You have to believe me. I tried. Everyday I try. But it’s just so hard. Everyday for the past 2 months I wake up and I still look for his warmth beside me. Every night I cry myself to sleep wishing he was there. I want to stop, Soo. God knows I want to. But I can’t. I just can’t. I love him so fucking much and I can’t just let him go.You know that night I met with Chanyeol, we saw him. He was there. And God, the amount of self restraint I had to muster not to hug him and beg him to take me back. I’m so fucking pathetic aren’t I? Just so fucking pathetic.”

“Then he goes and sends me these as if it’ll make everything better in an instant. That idiot. But you know who’s the bigger idiot? Me. Fucking me! Because I know deep down, if he knocks on my door right now and asks me for another chance, I would say yes in a heartbeat.”

“I— I just wish I knew what he was thinking. If he was gonna send me flowers and a fucking note he might as well come here and talk to me. He’s such a fucking asshole, I swear.”

Junmyeon tucked his head on his knees when he was done talking.

Kyungsoo could feel him trying to control his breathing. He only kept rubbing Junmyeon’s back to keep him at ease.

When Junmyeon’s breathing returned to normal, he sat back up and smiled at Kyungsoo.

“I’m sorry about that. I know you’ve been trying to help me but—“

“Jun no,” Kyungsoo cut him off before he could go on further, “I should be the one who’s sorry. I should’ve noticed your suffering but I chose to push you into doing things you’re not ready for.”

“It wasn’t entirely your fault you know. I didn’t want to burden you and Minseok-hyung any more than I already have. That’s why I kept it all in.”

“But you shouldn’t have to, Jun. We’re your friends. Knowing about your problems is never a burden to us. It makes me sad that you would think that. But it makes me guilty too. Because I haven’t exactly been a great friend either. I was forcing you on dates you didn’t want when I should’ve been making sure that you were actually okay.”

“Soo—“

“And no Jun. Don’t say it’s not my fault or whatever because even it isn’t, the fact that I let it get to this point is bad enough. I should’ve been with you all those nights you felt alone. I should’ve been comforting you when you were crying. I’m sorry Junmyeon. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry you had to go through all that by yourself.”

Kyungsoo was close to tears now. The guilt he felt was overwhelming. Just the thought of Junmyeon crying every night breaks his heart. Junmyeon shouldn’t have had to experience that. Junmyeon deserved more than that.

“It’s okay Soo. We’re okay.”

Junmyeon hugged Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo felt shittier. He was supposed to be the one comforting yet he was the one being comforted. Junmyeon truly was an angel.

“Okay. Enough about me. What are /you/ gonna do now?” Junmyeon sighed and looked at the piece of paper in his hand again.

“I honestly don’t know. On one hand, I want to know what he means by this but then I don’t want to know. I’m scared Soo. I feel like a mess.”

“Jun, it’s okay to be scared. You don’t have to decide on anything right now. Just know that whatever you decide on, I’ll support you, okay? It’s the least I could do.”

“Even if I decide to get back together with him?”

This time, it was Kyungsoo’s turn to sigh.

“Well I’m not 100% sold on the idea. He broke your heart once, he could do it again. But he also made you the happiest. As much of an asshole he is, you two were perfect together. So maybe hear him out first, then decide.”

“You think I should?”

“It’s not for me to decide Jun. I can only offer suggestions but in the end, it’ll end up to you. I just don’t want you to live in what if’s when you can actually have a chance to get answers.” Junmyeon was quiet for awhile.

“I’ll think about it. Maybe when my brain’s not muddled by tears and snot,” Junmyeon said, laughing a little.

And it was really a wonderful sight, Junmyeon smiling genuinely. Kyungsoo could only hope his friend continues to find reasons to smile like that.

The next morning, after he was fed and coddled by Kyungsoo who decided to stay the night, Junmyeon decided to text Chanyeol. He figured the other male could give him some advice. He needed an unbiased opinion after all.

__< Yeollie? Are you busy?>__

The reply was instantaneous.

****< Hyung! ヽ(＾**** ** **Д**** ** **＾)ﾉ I’m listening to some demos but I can talk. What’s up? >****

Junmyeon contemplated how best to broach the subject.

__< I... received something last night.> _ _

****< A gift, hyung?>** **

__< Not exactly.>__

****<??> ** **

__< It’s from Sehun>__

****< (ʘ言ʘ╬)>** **

****< What was it?>****

__< Flowers> _ _

__< And a note> _ _

****< Hang on hyung. Let me call you>** ** __

Before Junmyeon could process the message, his phone was already ringing, Chanyeol’s name flashing in the screen.

“Chanyeol. You didn’t have to call.”

“But this isn’t something that needs to be discussed over text hyung. Now tell me what happened. Did he come over at your place?”

Junmyeon let out a breath before answering. “No. He just left it at my doorstep.”

Chanyeol made an unintelligible noise on the other side of the line. “What did it say? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s fine. And it says ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I miss you’.”

“Oh my. That’s— weird.”

“Weird is an understatement, Yeol.”

Chanyeol hummed. “Have you contacted him?”

“Not yet. Kyungsoo, my friend, was here last night when he left the stuff. He told me to talk to Sehun. But I’m just—“

“Confused? Worried? Hurt?” Chanyeol finished for him.

“Yeah.”

“But hyung, what do you want to do?”

“I— honestly don’t know. I want to talk to him but at the same time I’m scared.”

Chanyeol was quiet for a moment. Junmyeon had to check if he was still on the line.

“Do you want to know what I think hyung?”

“Uhmm. That’s actually why I texted you.”

Junmyeon heared the other chuckle. “Well I’m glad you think I can give you good advice hyung. And I think you should talk to your ex.”

Just the thought of facing Sehun again made Junmyeon’s insides churn. “But—“

“I think it’ll be good for you hyung. Maybe for closure or to get back together it doesn’t matter. He reached out to you so he obviously has something to say. Don’t let your fear stop you from finding answers. You owe it to yourself hyung. Besides, if you don’t talk, you might just find yourself living in what ifs. We both know you still love him. And he clearly is not over you either. Maybe this is the chance for you to fix whatever happened between you two.”

Junmyeon mulled over Chanyeol’s words. He had a point. Junmyeon didn’t want to live with what ifs. He’s had enough of those already. But it doesn’t mean he’s less scared.

“Just think about it hyung,” Chanyeol added.

“Yeah. Okay. I will.”

“Good luck hyung. And remember, I’ll always be here to help you out.”

“Thank you Chanyeol. Really. You’re a good friend.” “

Well being a friend is what I’m good at after all,” Junmyeon didn’t miss the depreciating tone of his voice.

“Yeol...”

“Don’t worry about it hyung. You got enough on your plate already. And I gotta go too. My boss just came in and he’s glaring at me.”

“Oh! Sorry for keeping you. Thank you again Chanyeol.”

“I told you it’s fine. And talk to me anytime. Bye hyung!”

After dropping the call, Junmyeon looked at the flowers he received last night. Kyungsoo put them in a vase, the note tucked in between the flowers. The more Junmyeon stared at it, the more his decision solidifies.

With conviction, he picked up his phone once more and typed a message to the number he still knows by heart.

Two words.

That’s all he needed. He could only hope he was doing the right thing and this won’t end with his heart broken the second time.

__< Let’s talk>_ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon finally meets Sehun. How will their talk end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I finally got around to posting the continuation. Sorry it took so long and thank you for waiting. I've read your comments and I really appreciate it.
> 
> Warning: this might be really long.

Junmyeon fidgeted as he sat on his couch. He’s been alternating between sitting, standing and pacing for the past hour.

He was a nervous wreck to say the least.

Why you may ask?

Well he’s just about to meet his fucking ex that’s why.

When Sehun agreed to talk to him, he decided to do it in his place. Junmyeon was 100% sure this will end with tears and he’d rather not embarass himself in public.

But as he sat there, waiting, he was starting to realize that it might not have been the greatest idea after all. There would only be him and Sehun. He won’t have have the luxury of having the public hide him. In here, he will have to bare it all.

He resisted the urge to vomit. Not that he had anything to let out since his nerves prevented him from eating anything. Sehun wasn’t due to arrive until 30 minutes later. To distract himself, Junmyeon decided to text Chanyeol.

_< This is a bad idea.>_

Chanyeol replied immediately to which Junmyeon is grateful for.

**< Hyung, you can always back out if you're not ready.>**

****Chanyeol had been nothing but supportive ever since he told him Sehun agreed to talk to him. Junmyeon vowed to make it up to him once his problems are settled.

_< No. No. I’m ready. I think. I’m just really nervous>_

**< It’ll be fine hyung> **

**< And if it isn’t, I’m only a call away. I’ll even drive to your place to comfort you>**

Chanyeol really was a godsend.

_< Thank you Yeollie. I’m really glad I got to meet you.> _

**< Me too hyung.> **

**< Now calm yourself down and get your man!>**

Before Junmyeon could scold the younger for his assuptions, there was a knock on his door.

Junmyeon felt his heart skip a beat.

This was it.

_< He’s here. I gotta go>_

Without waiting for a reply, Junmyeon abandoned his phone and opened his door.

Junmyeon’s breath hitch at the sight of Sehun on his doorway.

Sehun was only wearing a simple jeans and tshirt but he still managed to look like a runway model. But that wasn’t really what caught Junmyeon’s eye.

It was Sehun’s sheepishly shy expression while holding a boquet of pink and white tulips.

“Hi,” his ex said in a quiet voice.

Junmyeon cleared his throat before answering. “Hey.”

They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before Sehun offered the flowers to him.

“For you.”

Junmyeon accepted the flowers, his hand accidentally brushing against Sehun. He blames the loud thumping of his heart on his nervousness.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to,” he says as he opens the door wider so Sehun could come in.

“It’s the least I could do.”

Junmyeon hummed in response, not really knowing what to say. He directed Sehun towards his couch.

“Take a seat. I’ll just put these in a vase.”

Junmyeon was already walking towards the kitchen before his ex could even respond. When he was finally alone, he tried to compose himself. His heart felt like it was trying to escape his ribcage. He looked at the flowers and his hand. They were beautiful. But what they meant was a mystery to him.

Junmyeon could already feel hope skimming in his veins. But he squashed it down. He can’t afford to hope for something tonight.

Not when the possibility of this ending for good is still there.

He placed the flowers in a vase and pit beside the ones he got the night before. And with renewed conviction, he went back to his ex.

Sehun wasn’t on the couch when he came back. Instead, the taller male was looking through Junmyeon’s bookshelves. He must have sensed Junmyeon’s presence for he turned around immediately.

He smiled that smile.

The smile that made Junmyeon’s heart flutter.

“Your collection grew,” Sehun said pointing towards Junmyeon’s overflowing book collection.

“Uh yeah. I was binge reading for some time,” he replied, not mentioning that he did it right after their break up. When he bought book after book after book to distract himself.

“Do you want anything?” he asks, suddenly remembering how to be a good host.

Sehun smiled and shook his head. “Thanks for the offer but I don’t think I can swallow anything right now.”

Sehun’s honesty caught Junmyeon off guard.

“O-oh. O-kay then. Uhmm... we should sit. Yeah.”

Fuck himself for being a stuttering mess.

Sehun sat at the edge of the couch while Junmyeon sat at the other edge. A good distance between them.

“This is good,” Junmyeon thinks, “this is safe.”

A few awkward beats later and still none of them said anything. Sehun was fiddling with the tattered edges of his jeans while Junmyeon kept looking at anything except Sehun.

“So—“ And of course they both had to start at the same time.

Sehun laughed awkwardly and scratched his neck. A nervous tick Junmyeon was all too familiar with.

“You go ahead,” his ex said and continued fiddling with his jeans.

Junmyeon took a deep breath. Junmyeon decided being honest was his best option at this point.

“I... I honestly don’t know where to start. I have so many questions and I... I’m just so confused and frustrated right now. You... God Sehun! You make me so confused!”

Sehun remained quiet as Junmyeon tried to get his breathing in control.

“You... broke up with me. You told me that you thought it was for the best. You left me Sehun! And you can’t just come back with pretty flowers and a note! It doesn’t work like that!” Junmyeon could feel tears brimming in his eyes but he didn’t let them fall.

He couldn’t. He didn’t want to look weak.

Sehun had his head down, hands gripping his thighs hard.

“But you let me go too,” he murmured.

“What??” Junmyeon heared him. But he had to make sure.

Sehun looked up at him and Junmyeon was hit with a wave of sadness at the pain in Sehun’s eyes.

“You let me go too Junmyeon. You didn’t stop me from leaving.”

Junmyeon felt blood rush to his head.

“BECAUSE I LOVED YOU! I FUCKING LOVED YOU AND ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY!”

Junmyeon’s outburst surprised them both. Junmyeon was never one to shout and argue, always choosing to talk things over rather than screaming. Junmyeon took a deep breath for the nth time, calming himself down.

“When...when you told me you wanted to focus on your job, I knew I had lost. I knew how much you worked hard to get where you were that time. I loved you so much and all I wanted was for you to reach your dreams. And if being separated is what it takes then I was willing to do it for you. I was willing to do anything for you, Sehun.”

Junmyeon felt the tears fall. He couldn’t stop them anymore. They were too much. Everything felt too much.

“Jesus. Fuck Jun. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Sehun stood up and started pacing, grabbing his hair in frustration.

“Shit, Jun. I... I fucked up so bad. I messed everything up. I’m just...” Sehun dropped on his knees and started rocking back and forth.

Junmyeon wanted to reach out to him but he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. Even now, seeing Sehun break down, breaks his heart that more tears spill from his eyes.

Sehun suddenly stood up and crossed to where Junmyeon was sitting. He kneeled in front of Junmyeon, grasped his hand tight and rested his head on Junmyeon’s knees as his own tears fall. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I fucked up so bad. It was my fault. All my fault. I’m sorry Jun. I’m so sorry.”

Junmyeon reached out and ran his hands through Sehun’s hair as the other sobbed uncontrollably. God, how much he missed it.

“Hey hey. It’s okay Sehun. It’s okay.”

But Sehun was shaking his head.

“No. No it’s not. Everything is my fault. I ruined everything. I was so focused on my job that I was starting to neglect you. I... kept missing dates. I kept hurting you. Then I... I realized what I was doing to you and instead of fixing it I thought letting you go was the better option. I didn’t want to keep hurting you, Jun. I saw how sad you looked everytime I missed our dates and it broke my heart. You... God, you deserved better. You deserve the best. And I... I wasn’t giving it to you. So... I thought it was better to break it off.”

Junmyeon listened as Sehun ranted off, his heart squeezing with each new information he’s hearing.

“That night... that night I prayed that you would fight me. That you would tell me I was being an idiot. That we could still make it work. But... you agreed... and I figured it must have been what you wanted too. Maybe you realized I was holding you back too. Maybe I wasn’t worth it anymore. And I just... I had to accept that. Because I loved you. I /love/ you and all I wanted was for you to be happy too.”

Junmyeon’s mind was reeling with the words he was hearing. They both wanted each other to be happy so they let each other go but they both ended up being miserable.

God, they were both idiots.

Junmyeon couldn’t help let out a laugh as the realization dawned on him.

Sehun looked up at the sound of his laughter. His brows were furrowed, eyes red and puffy, face wet with tears and he’s still the most beautiful person Junmyeon has met in his life.

“As much as I love hearing you laugh, I don’t think this is the right time.”

Junmyeon only giggled more at Sehun’s put out expression. Fuck he loved this man.

He removed one of his hands from Sehun’s grasped and placed it on the other’s face, wiping away the tears in the process. Junmyeon’s heart soared as Sehun leaned in to the touch.

“We’re both idiots aren’t we?” Sehun looked at him, confused. “We were both keen on making each other happy that we only made each other miserable.”

Sehun’s tears have now stopped but he still held on to Junmyeon’s hand.

“When you put it that way, I guess we are idiots.”

“Breaking up with you was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, Hun.” Junmyeon didn’t fail to notice the way Sehun’s eyes lit up at the endearment.

“From the moment I said those words, I knew I wasn’t gonna be happy again. So I buried myself in my work. But not a day goes by that I didn’t think about you. Wondering how you were. When I saw you again that night and you were with someone else, it broke my heart. I wanted to be happy for you coz you looked like you were doing okay. But I couldn’t do it. How could I? When all I wanted was for you to be back with me again. And then I saw you again with that guy. And you looked happy. You even held hands. It took everything in me not to approach you and rip you away from him even if I knew I had no right. But seeing you with him, I... I just couldn’t bear it. So I thought, I’d try again. Just one more shot. I’m not proud of what I did but I followed you. That’s how I knew where you lived. And I hashed out a plan.”

“That’s where the flowers and the note came. I told myself, if you’d approach me after that, then I’ll beg on my knees for you to take me back. But if you didn’t, then I’ll let you go and be happy with that guy. Even if I think he’s way too tall for you. Then you texted me and I was so happy. I got another chance in a way. I told myself, I’d do anything. Whether you take me back or not, I still want to have a shot to talk things with you.”

After Sehun’s little speech, Junmyeon didn’t stop himself from flicking the other in the forehead.

“Ow! What was that for??”

“For being an even bigger idiot! So what? You were just gonna let some other guy steal me away without doing anything?”

“If he made you happy, then yes.”

Junmyeon flicked him again.

“Stop that!”

“How could one text determine whether I was happy or not??!”

“Because! If you didn’t text me, then you have moved on and happy. And that’s all I want, I told you that.”

Junmyeon groaned in frustration. But he really can’t fault Sehun. Because he knew, deep down, he would’ve done the same. They were both idiots after all. Junmyeon sighed.

“Get up.”

“What?”

“I said get up. You’ve been kneeling for a long time. You’ll get cramps.”

“Does this mean you’re giving me another chance?”

“Get up and I’ll tell you.”

Sehun immediately stood up, almost losing his balance because of his aching knees, but he managed to sit back down on the couch, this time closer to Junmyeon.

They were still holding hands and Junmyeon didn’t want to let go anytime soon. He missed this after all.

Sehun waited patiently as Junmyeon gathered his thoughts. Piecing together what he was going to say next.

“I forgive you,” he started, "I mean we’re both at fault for the break up in a way. But I forgive you. And I hope you can forgive me too—“

“I do. Even if your apology is not necesary, I forgive you.”

Junmyeon smiled and Sehun’s eyes lit up even brighter.

“But I don’t think we should get back together.”

Sehun looked like he was on a verge of a panic attack so Junmyeon immediately held his hands.

“Not now, at least.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Sehun, we’ve hurt each other too much. As much I want to be with you, I don’t think it’ll be wise. I’m not saying I don’t trust you. I’m just... scared I guess. I’m scared that if we get back together so soon, we might just end up hurting each other again. And I don’t think I can bear losing you a second time. Do you get what I mean?”

Sehun was quiet for a while. And Junmyeon was lowkey freaking out. What if Sehun didn’t agree? What if he wanted to be together or not at all. Junmyeon was interrupted from his internal freak out when Sehun spoke.

“So you mean... we date again?”

“Uh... I guess. You know just spend time with each other again. Two months isn’t a long time but it’s enough time to change us a bit.”

Sehun started playing with Junmyeon’s fingers. “And the giant?”

Junmyeon had to laugh at that. “He’s not that much taller than you!”

“That doesn’t answer my question Jun.”

Junmyeon laughed even harder at the other’s pouting. He only stopped when he saw Sehun’s disgruntled face. “Relax you big baby. We’re just friends.”

“It didn’t look like it when you were holding his hand.”

“I was comforting him, okay. Besides, he’s the one who convinced me to talk to you. You should thank him.” Sehun’s brows remained furrowed.

“So he’s not gonna take you away from me?”

Junmyeon definitely missed Sehun’s whiny attitude that he couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m not yours though,” he said with a straight face.

He didn’t get the reaction he was hoping for however. Instead of whining like he expected, Sehun’s smile completely disappeared, replaced by his stoic face. He removed his hands from Junmyeon’s hold.

“Right. My bad.”

Junmyeon mentally beat himself up. He forgot how sensitive Sehun could get. He immediately held the other’s face in his hands.

“Hey. I’m just joking, okay. I already told you didn’t I? I’ve always been yours. Even when we were not together, I’ve always been yours.”

Sehun placed his hands on top of Junmyeon’s and looked at him in the eyes.

“But you don’t want to be with me yet.”

“Yet. Not yet. Let’s take it one step at a time again okay? And this time, I want us to talk to each other more. Discuss stuff before we make decisions. I want us both to heal from this. Together. Because God knows I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”

“And the giant?”

Junmyeon squeezed Sehun’s face.

“Chanyeol. His name is Chanyeol. And he’s a friend. Nothing more.”

Sehun didn’t respond, just looked at Junmyeon. He looked at Junmyeon as if he was the God’s greatest gift. And he was. To Sehun’s life, he was.

“So what do you say? Oh Sehun, will you date me again?”

Junmyeon didn’t know where all the nervousness from before go. All he knows is that he won’t let go of this man in front of him again. Not when he has him in his hands right now.

“I should be asking you that. I’m the one who fucked up after all.”

Junmyeon wanted to protest but Sehun was having none of it.

“It is what it is Jun. But you said so yourself, we can heal from this. Together. So Kim Junmyeon, will you date me again?”

Junmyeon smiled at the man who had his heart from the moment they met, the man he knew he will continue to love even if they mess up.

“Yes. Always, yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out for the epilogue!

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/SeHoDrabbles) too!


End file.
